brain zapping

When fiance and I went to Seattle, I had to come to a decision. It took me forever to get special screening at Sky Harbor. Lucky for us, we had just enough time for TSA to produce a female screener to get me through. At least I had my wonderful fiance was able to grab my carry on bag so it wasn't just sitting there because they wouldn't let me reclaim it until after screening.

After that was all done, I said "Screw going through that again, I'm going to chance it coming back. We'll see what happens."

After our lovely, chilly, whirlwind trip to Seattle, we walked through the line to go through the x-ray. I agreed I would play dumb and produce my medical ID card if it went off.

My turn comes, and I hold my breath and take a couple steps.

And nothing happens.

So we walk to a in-terminal restaurant for breakfast since we were dropped off a bit early. I grab my remote and check to see if it turned off my MCS. All green lights, so all systems are a go.

So whatever. We'll see if I ever set off the scanners.

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Then I went to the grocery store a couple days ago. Ran into my gram, but did grab some stuff I needed to make a birthday cheesecake. In leaving the store, a lady next to me set off the alarm to deter shoplifting. They let me go, and eventually let her go. Drive home, and a few minutes later, I bent my head down in just a way and

*wham!* Sharp radiating pains start stabbing my face. So I go looking for my remote since I had just removed it from my purse due to lack of space. Trying to turn up the power, and there's this series of beeps. Sure enough, it was trying to tell me you can't change the settings when it's not even on.

Dang. TSA couldn't touch me, but a grocery store could short out my MCS to cause it to turn off.

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It was a validation to me that I went through the whole brain surgery thing for something that wasn't a placebo effect. Since I was not expecting it to be turned off, and the pain came back within minutes. I still don't feel anything when I turn the device back on - just cessation of the pain.

I was also surprised that while I got the white hot zingers of pain, it wasn't that bad. Though I suppose a few days of that would make me feel differently.

New year, new sympathy

Sorry. Been working my tail off since the new year and then snuck out for a few days in Seattle (just got back last night).

I came home and found my mom was still down and out. When I left, she said it was just a cold. So I was surprised to find her still down and out.

She told me that she had developed a sinus infection that triggered trigeminal nerve pain. She said she had a lot more sympathy for all the crap I went through all those years with my pain.

"I wouldn't wish anyone had to experience it," I told her. I then suggested she try some ice cream and eat it on the bad side of her face. It seemed to help some.

In the meanwhile, I propped up pillows like crazy and slept sitting up. Since I came back from Seattle with a horrible cold, sitting up seemed to help in minimizing the coughing.

when Tylenol doesn't work

Geez, I had a bad day yesterday.

My plan was to sleep in, clean up the house a bit, drive to Flagstaff to get boyfriends course books, then visit matchmakers for the night. Then drive back today, do laundry, etc.

After ruining a tire by somehow puncturing the sidewall Friday, I was paranoid about my tires. So after getting the car loaded, I did a quick check of the tires. Getting in my car, I thought my left hand was on the seatbelt as I closed the door.

As the door slammed on my fingers, I realized where my left hand was, and yeah, I just slammed the door on my hand. But it wasn't hurting that much.

Drove to Flag, and found out the bookstore was closed today "in observance of the Independence holiday". Next time, put a notice on your website. For extra gravy, the sudden elevation was giving me a headache.

So I stopped for a drink and downed some Tylenol. I grab my map and figure the best route to the matchmakers. At the prices for gas up there, I was going to get as far away from Flag as possible with the tank I had.

An hour on route to matchmakers, my left hand suddenly exploded in a fit of sharp stabbing pain. All concentrated on the middle finger, middle joint. Already have Tylenol in my system, so I'm stuck with nothing else I can take at the moment for the pain.

It's a bit swollen, but I've broken bones without swelling. So now I'm just hoping I can get my work done while it heals.

So when I got to matchmakers, I switched to alcohol. Two bottles of wine bought me a night of no pain. Well, until 4 in the morning.

MCS scare

Headache not getting that much better, and I'm starting to feel sick to my stomach. Now that hasn't happened for a while.

Figured I'm beyond the reach of Excedrin at this point, and I go back to the locker room and fish out my purse. In my purse is a remote for my motor cortex stimulator. I can turn it on or off and adjust the three parameters of pulses (amplitude, pulse width, and pulse frequency). Don't worry, there are programmed limits, so I can't fry my brain.

The remote's a piece of crap and eats batteries, so I keep the batteries separate. And of course today I'm having trouble having it communicate with the MCS. When I finally get it to talk, it beeps loudly.

Turn it over, and it indicates my MCS is OFF. How the heck did that happen. But it sure explains the pain. So I turn it on and feel that electric buzzing as it starts working.

I hope the magnetic latches on the doors to my lab aren't the reason for shutting down my MCS. I wonder if that would qualify for ADA accomidation.

Finally free

To try and limit the amount of stuff that I have to move that I don't need anymore, I'm going through everything and throwing out what I don't need anymore.

Last week I came across a box labelled "bathroom". I didn't have to open it to know what was in it. This was the box of all the medications I had been on to manage my ATN pain and related problems.

I could have just tossed the entire box in the trash. But I was a bit worried about dumpster divers. I am pretty sure that someone could kill themselves if they wanted to feast on the pills in this box.

I decided to dump the pills in the toilet. I went through every bottle before disposing of the contents. It was a bit therapeutic, and a bit of "I don't remember this medication". Serious about the latter comment.

Goodbye Neurontin
Goodbye Tegretol
Goodbye Mexitil
Goodbye Wellbutrin
Goodbye Lamictal
Goodbye Provigil
Goodbye Morphine
Goodbye Actiq
Goodbye Valium
Goodbye Ativan
Goodbye Ambien
Goodbye Duragesic

And several more goodbyes. This doesn't include the allergy medicines.

I guess it was like a monkey on my back. Or the white elephant in the room. But it's gone now. It's somewhat liberating to get rid of what was my ball and chain all those years. Those medications took all those years of my life that I can never get back.

I suppose it was a long overdue farewell. But it's over and done with. They will not be going with me to Phoenix.