opening the floodgates

As much as I didn't want to acknowledge it, the worries about my dad's health was probably the biggest reason I haven't been sleeping at night. It never would wake me up, but something subconscious is probably there nagging at me.

My dad finally got the results of his PET scan from Tuesday. His tumor activity went down about half, and they STILL don't know if the lung mass is from a lung infection or the cancer spreading. It has a pretty low rate of activity compared to the primary tumor, but they aren't ruling out that it ISN'T a tumor either. No lymph node invasion detected, but it didn't find the one lymph node that the endoscopy ultrasound found.

I was hoping the tumor was less active than it was. And the frustration of still not sure what's going on with his lung finally all caught up to me, and I spent my lunch hour just crying. (Remember, I'm still on this hormonal trip right now too.)

I just needed to get it out of my system. My mom can't see me going through this - she's got enough to worry about. Now I just have to keep it together for the rest of the afternoon.

At least my cells need my attention to distract me a bit.