I have been so busy that I haven't had much time to attempt an entry. I have heard of a couple people that are having (or had) back troubles. It could be simply a consquence of the pain causing you to toss and turn or be stressed while asleep. My bed could be too firm for all I know. I know that I've never had troubles lasting this long when there wasn't some trauma to my back. Now I've noticed that the same muscle fatigue I've noticed in my back is in my arms too. Lately, first thing in the morning I can barely pickup my backpack. It is heavy and I had days where at the end of the day, it would feel five times heavier. I've also had numbness in my dominant hand that goes up the arm for the last couple of days. I'm seeing my chiropractor later this afternoon, maybe I can get an idea.

Someone on the listserv was sharing a personal story and mentioned how she has been angry at the world about being in so much pain. I thought about that for a while, and thought that I felt a lot of anger (thank goodness nobody in my lab said "it's just a headache" - with my Polish temper that would have been ugly). I've also felt a lot of self-pity, especially on the days when I would be crying in public (or in ER's). I would be angry at myself for crying, or for letting the pain get the better of me. I think that's why I felt sleep was a refuge for me so that I didn't have to wage this emotional battle and have the pain win. The doctors in the ER didn't help when they'd decide they can't help so, so I had to be discharged (and not bother to come in and tell me so but leave it up to a nurse). Some of the nurses were better in showing interest in my story of what it's like to live with it, what I've had to give up, etc.

I have a big project to undertake: I bought a new color of paint (a medium green in a satin paint) to repaint the bedroom. The two major problems with this idea are that it's a small room and I have a huge sleigh bed that will have to dismantled (and repainted). I can see a few nights of sleeping on a mattress that's on the floor! Once the room's finally painted, I have black photos framed in silver (thanks little sis for the 1930 Chicago framed print!!) Silver accents should accent it nicely. I have to realize that it will take a lot longer than normally.

The fact that the fatigue is still an issue is the biggest reason. There are so many nights where I come home and fall asleep that will not make this project easy to work on. Since it seems my Vegas trip is scrapped (again), I might just take a couple days off and do as much as I can.

Hopefully this new doctor I'll see in a week and a half will be able to help me out. Wait....how many times have I heard that one before. Since this doctor came highly recommended from my pain doctor, it makes it a bit easier to not remember all the disappointments (but that's for another day).