Next time

I can sum up my last visit to boyfriend with "wow" (and it's not in regards to anything physical).

Last night, boyfriend's dad and boyfriend (yes, boyfriend) came back from their conference in Anaheim. We made a celebration of it by making a surf and turf meal with king crab legs, steak, potatos, corn on the cob, etc. In typical boyfriend fashion, he had way too much food. We didn't even touch my cherry cobbler desert I made the night before.

During dinner, we shared two bottles of wine. Then in true spirit of "we're not going anywhere," boyfriend opened up a gift - a bottle of sherry casked scotch. It was the best scotch I've ever had. And over the next hour or so, we drank the entire bottle of scotch.

Before that, I was drinking my gluten-free beer that boyfriend found for me. I know why they say that mixing alcohols isn't smart.

We watched fireworks from the patio for a few minutes. By this time, I'm seeing double. So boyfriend and I collapse in bed. I make a few trips to the bathroom, and he is there to hold back my hair, and place a cold washcloth on my neck. We both collapse in bed again.

I wish I remember how it started, but it just started to come out. He said that he loved me, and wanted to keep me at a distance to protect me from what may happen. And was was very scared what his latest tests may show. He said that he loved me and wanted to protect me from any pain in his life, but be a very important part in my life.

I told him that it doesn't work that way. And I loved him, and part of that means that you're there for the best and the worst. I said that it's easy to keep everyone at a distance, but shutting them out will shut them away eventually.

That was the second time I saw him cry. I mean real sobbing tears.

But it was the first time he said the "L" word without a context of me prodding it first.

So we talk about stuff for a long while. We kissed and cried.

As we were finally about to fall asleep, I asked him if he could be that honest with me in the future without the copious amounts of alcohol. He said he'll try.

I miss him already. The good news is that in two weeks from Friday he'll be here in Tucson with me. For the start of some time together just the two of us.