not a mothering type

Once I got the worries out of my mind, it finally happened.

I got my period today.

Only a week and half late, but everything's all screwed up I'm not surprised.

Starting in November, I started bleeding and spotting constantly. I get this problem with every type of birth control I use. And my previous NP for ob/gyn would say "you're tolerant, and we'll switch you to something else". And the switching will fix the problem.

I'm still looking for a new ob/gyn. So when the spotting started, I just dealt with it. But I have this nagging paranoia that the dose isn't enough for me to not get pregnant.

Since Thanksgiving, boyfriend and I have been joined at the hip. So we were enjoying each others company a lot (especially at night).

So when the new year came around, I was hoping my monthly visitor would arrive.

It didn't.

The last time I got a scare, I didn't have a period for three months. So I thought for sure that I was pregnant. When I finally got my confirmation that I wasn't, I finally got the visitor.

So yes, stress can affect me that way.

I finally got around to just resigning myself to the fact that if by mid February I was still missing my monthly visitor, I'd go to Planned Parenthood or something and get tested.

And as soon as I stopped worrying about it, it happened.

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So why do I freak out so much about being pregnant? I don't want to be pregnant. I never wanted to be pregnant. It may sound horrible, but it's true. I hope that when I find a new ob/gyn, they'll just do a tubal ligation so I don't have to worry about it. As my mom says "Some of us just aren't the mothering type."